Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Luck
Gulf
Clean
Ceo
President
Demanding
Even
Station
Good
Gas
Thinking
Stations
Hayward
Mets
Restroom
Obama
Tony
More quotes by David Letterman
Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
David Letterman
Life experience is the best teacher.
David Letterman
One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.
David Letterman
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
David Letterman
I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
David Letterman
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
David Letterman
Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.
David Letterman
Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing.
David Letterman
CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.
David Letterman
You like science? You enjoy science? Always use it for good, never for evil. Can you promise me that?
David Letterman
George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.
David Letterman
Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.
David Letterman
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
David Letterman
Stocks are at an all-time high today. I don't have any money in the stock market. I don't have the stomach for the ups and downs. So about 20 years ago I put all of my money and liquid assets into videotape rewind machines.
David Letterman
It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam.
David Letterman
And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
David Letterman
Instead of reading vows at the wedding ceremony, they read hacked Sony emails.
David Letterman
CIA Director George Tenet has now testified before the 9/11 commission and he said we are still making the same dumb mistakes, like leaving memos on the President's desk.
David Letterman
We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves.
David Letterman
Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.
David Letterman