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There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Laden
Afterlife
Vegan
Already
Trouble
Vegans
Greeted
More quotes by David Letterman
You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.
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There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.
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I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.
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As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.
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The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
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Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
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Good luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.
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I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
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I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
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I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.
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Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.
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I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.
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Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.
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New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The last Republican president wasn't even fluent in English.
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Fifteen years ago tomorrow I had open heart surgery, a quintuple bypass surgery. Thanks to all of my doctors. Because of them, in 15 years of life I've been able to experience, well, acid reflux, short-term memory loss, and erectile dysfunction. Thanks for all your work. It's great to be alive.
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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
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