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I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
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David Michael Letterman
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More quotes by David Letterman
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
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Meryl Streep is on the program tonight. I like to throw her a little work whenever I can.
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Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
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President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.
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Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.
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You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.
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The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.
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There just isn't enough televised Chess
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Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.
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Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.
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Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
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