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I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Hostage
Prison
Great
Make
Good
Shipwreck
Resourceful

More quotes by David Letterman

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Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.
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While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
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I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.
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Since 1980, there have been 91 breaches of security at the White House. Well, 92 if you count George Bush.
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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
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It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.
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Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.
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Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. It's amazing if you think about it. It was the Terminator and the One-Term-inator.
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Let's have some wine, go upstairs, and look at my money.
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Mitt Romney has a fund-raiser. He's going to get in the ring and fight Evander Holyfield. This is the dumbest thing Republicans have done since they wrote that open letter to Iran.
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Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, not a problem. Torture, not a problem. Chewing gum in China - oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum.
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Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He's trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the poor with the indigent, and the white with the Caucasian.
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Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century.
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Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
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Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
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Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between.
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Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?
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Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.
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The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag
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