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One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Checked
Foxes
Iraq
News
Leader
Next
Fleas
More quotes by David Letterman
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Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?
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Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.
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The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who worked for me on this show. Now, my response to that is yes I have. I have had sex with women who worked on this show. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would, especially for the women.
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How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.
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I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.
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Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
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Good luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.
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The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.
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According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
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