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Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Gentlemen
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Ladies
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Wearing

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Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death.
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Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't beat Bush.
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One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.
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Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
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Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
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Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.
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This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.
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I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.
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