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You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
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Television Producer
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Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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More quotes by David Letterman
The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd.
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I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
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Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection, at least until his wife cools off.
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It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
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Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie.
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There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.
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Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
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Mitt Romney is doing what he can. He's trying very hard. He wants to unite America, the rich with the wealthy, the poor with the indigent, and the white with the Caucasian.
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Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.
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Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!
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What we know about Osama Bin Laden is this: he's worth $300 million, he has five wives and twenty-six kids -- and he hates Americans for their excessive lifestyle.
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Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.
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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
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How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.
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You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.
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Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.
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Yesterday was not only daylight saving time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour.
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