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Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Romney
Accused
Aliens
Illegal
Hair
Perry
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Rick
Mitt
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More quotes by David Letterman
According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
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Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.
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I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!
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New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?
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President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.
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The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
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Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis.
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This isn't brain surgery it's just television.
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A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
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Overall Bush's European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group.
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And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
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During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right there. You betcha!
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I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night -- this was so sweet, it means a great deal to me -- the other cult members got together and they all took me out to see Star Wars.
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Sunday is the Academy Awards. Every time an actor says, 'I didn't expect this,' Ruth Bader Ginsburg will do a shot.
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Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing.
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Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.
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Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
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Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't beat Bush.
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Kim Jong Il made his staff call him “dear” and spent the day drinking cognac. It's like I have a twin, ladies and gentlemen.
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