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Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Hiring
Romney
Accused
Aliens
Illegal
Hair
Perry
Work
Rick
Mitt
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Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.
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Everybody was upset that Vladimir Putin was missing. He was in Switzerland with his girlfriend. She had a baby in Switzerland because in Russia childbirth is not covered by Putin-care.
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Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'
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Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.
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Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of cabinet positions. And today he announced that he wants the surgeon general to be TV Dr. Sanjay Gupta. That was the kid on 'American Idol,' wasn't it?
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It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.
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Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'
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I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest.'
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President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.
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Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
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One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.
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Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.
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Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial.
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You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?
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Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of recycling is going on this year. For example, Bushes and Clintons.
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I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.
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Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.
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Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen.
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