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George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Doesn
Watches
Reason
Watch
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Television
Well
System
Satellite
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Satellites
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Stole
White
George
House
Clinton
More quotes by David Letterman
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Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
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The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
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I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.
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Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
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The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
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They say the oil spill has the potential to kill more wildlife than a Sarah Palin hunting trip.
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United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
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Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.
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Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't beat Bush.
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Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!
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