Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
House
Clinton
Doesn
Watches
Reason
Watch
Wells
Television
Well
System
Satellite
Courses
Satellites
Course
Stole
White
George
More quotes by David Letterman
Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material.
David Letterman
Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.
David Letterman
Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.
David Letterman
When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!
David Letterman
Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is Hey taxi. Two is What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales? And three is Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.
David Letterman
United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
David Letterman
I spend most of my free time under the house.
David Letterman
Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.
David Letterman
It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
David Letterman
According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'
David Letterman
The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
David Letterman
The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.
David Letterman
This warning from the New York City Department of Health Fraud: Be suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger.
David Letterman
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
David Letterman
The White House has now put together a website for kids. It's a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website is called ' Irony.gov. '
David Letterman
Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.
David Letterman
Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night.
David Letterman
Let's have some wine, go upstairs, and look at my money.
David Letterman
Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.
David Letterman
Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.
David Letterman
