Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Doesn
Watches
Reason
Watch
Wells
Television
Well
System
Satellite
Courses
Satellites
Course
Stole
White
George
House
Clinton
More quotes by David Letterman
Mitt Romney was a guest on 'The Tonight Show' on NBC. It's interesting — you have an empty suit trying to please everyone, and then Romney comes out.
David Letterman
Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
David Letterman
Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.
David Letterman
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
David Letterman
While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
David Letterman
New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The last Republican president wasn't even fluent in English.
David Letterman
Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I.
David Letterman
CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.
David Letterman
It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.
David Letterman
Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.
David Letterman
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
David Letterman
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
David Letterman
There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.
David Letterman
Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.
David Letterman
Chi-Os were ideal partners for all occasions. They were discrete, desirable, tactful, polite, and fun... Every mom dreamed of her son coming home with a Chi Omega, a woman's woman.
David Letterman
Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, Pay? I was hitchhiking.
David Letterman
Newt Gingrich has criticized 'New York elites' who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.
David Letterman
Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.
David Letterman
Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.
David Letterman
Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.
David Letterman