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Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
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Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
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Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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More quotes by David Letterman
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He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in.
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How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.
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According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
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The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.
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There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train.
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Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!
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Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front.
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Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She's spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it's to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.
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Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is Hey taxi. Two is What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales? And three is Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.
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