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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Mormon
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Town
More quotes by David Letterman
There is so much oil now in the Gulf of Mexico, and you can thank the folks of British Petroleum for this, so much oil in the Gulf, you can now park on it.
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President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.
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I feel like Bush presidencies are like Godfather films. You should stop at two.
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Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's adding advisers to his campaign team. This guy had advisers? Really?
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I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
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Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that's true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected.
David Letterman
One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.
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The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
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I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty.
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Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America. When Rick Perry heard that, he said, 'Well that's nothing. I like to execute people.'
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Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
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We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves.
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New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The last Republican president wasn't even fluent in English.
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Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.
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Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'
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Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
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President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.
David Letterman
I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night -- this was so sweet, it means a great deal to me -- the other cult members got together and they all took me out to see Star Wars.
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I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
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