Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
York
Republican
City
Keystones
Cold
Keystone
Cities
Pipeline
Use
Soup
Deliver
Republicans
More quotes by David Letterman
Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.
David Letterman
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
David Letterman
Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
David Letterman
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
David Letterman
North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by his son, Menta Li Ill.
David Letterman
Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat.
David Letterman
Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection, at least until his wife cools off.
David Letterman
A small handgun makes any TV remote control.
David Letterman
Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before
David Letterman
The new 'Mad Max' movie takes place in a post-apocalyptic world. I have a small part in 'Mad Max.' I play the old geezer who remembers what steak tasted like.
David Letterman
What we know about Osama Bin Laden is this: he's worth $300 million, he has five wives and twenty-six kids -- and he hates Americans for their excessive lifestyle.
David Letterman
Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
David Letterman
The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
David Letterman
I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.
David Letterman
Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.
David Letterman
There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.
David Letterman
Yesterday was Chinese New Year. It's the Year of the Rabbit. And here's how dumb I am. I'm still writing the Year of the Pig on my checks.
David Letterman
It is cold down in Washington, DC. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold.
David Letterman
Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
David Letterman
The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question.
David Letterman