Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Release
Viagra
Lows
Funerals
Cost
Released
Nothing
Email
Like
Funeral
Hopeful
Presidential
Bush
More quotes by David Letterman
Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, Pay? I was hitchhiking.
David Letterman
Well, the manhunt continues for that elusive evil mastermind, but I'm telling you Enron CEO Kenneth Lay remains at large.
David Letterman
You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.
David Letterman
The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.
David Letterman
Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of cabinet positions. And today he announced that he wants the surgeon general to be TV Dr. Sanjay Gupta. That was the kid on 'American Idol,' wasn't it?
David Letterman
Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
David Letterman
And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
David Letterman
Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, not a problem. Torture, not a problem. Chewing gum in China - oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum.
David Letterman
The Japanese Prime Minister has apologized for Japan's part in World War II. However, he still hasn't mentioned anything about karaoke.
David Letterman
A small handgun makes any TV remote control.
David Letterman
I spend most of my free time under the house.
David Letterman
Tomorrow is Election Day. It's what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It's the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.
David Letterman
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
David Letterman
Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.
David Letterman
Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.
David Letterman
Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.
David Letterman
I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
David Letterman
If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on television with pool cues, who would win? 1) Ricky Schroder 2) Gary Coleman 3) The television viewing public
David Letterman
John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.
David Letterman
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
David Letterman