Quote

Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.

David Letterman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Lows
Funerals
Cost
Released
Nothing
Email
Like
Funeral
Hopeful
Presidential
Bush
Release
Viagra

More quotes by David Letterman

Image
I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
David Letterman
Image
So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed.
David Letterman
Image
The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
David Letterman
Image
I hate decaffeinated coffee. It's useless brown water.
David Letterman
Image
The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
David Letterman
Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really bad seats.
David Letterman
Image
Sunday is the Academy Awards. Every time an actor says, 'I didn't expect this,' Ruth Bader Ginsburg will do a shot.
David Letterman
Image
Life experience is the best teacher.
David Letterman
Image
Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
David Letterman
Image
Some good news. Finally, President Bush is going to do something about global warming. He became alarmed when another chunk of ice fell off his mother.
David Letterman
Image
I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.
David Letterman
Image
Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is Hey taxi. Two is What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales? And three is Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.
David Letterman
Image
New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.
David Letterman
Image
Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new birth certificate.
David Letterman
Image
Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.
David Letterman
Image
The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.
David Letterman
Image
Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.
David Letterman
Image
Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.
David Letterman
Image
My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.
David Letterman
Image
All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.
David Letterman