Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Time
Plans
Campaign
Brother
Presidential
Already
Campaigns
Started
Machine
Ready
Bush
War
Hot
Ends
Machines
Needs
Iraq
Tubs
More quotes by David Letterman
Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.
David Letterman
They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
David Letterman
Hillary is in Iowa to listen to what the people are saying - because if you want her to speak, that will cost you $200,000. So she's there listening.
David Letterman
Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.
David Letterman
Good luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.
David Letterman
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
David Letterman
I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.
David Letterman
Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
David Letterman
Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.
David Letterman
Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him.
David Letterman
John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.
David Letterman
God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear.
David Letterman
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
David Letterman
I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.
David Letterman
The reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.
David Letterman
The world's oldest woman passed away at 116. They keep dying. I think that title may be cursed.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She's spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it's to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.
David Letterman
I worry about Rick Perry. One, he's too conservative, Two, his debating skills. And three ... Oh crap, what was three?
David Letterman
I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
David Letterman