Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Drinking
Service
Secret
United
President
Thought
States
Cruz
More quotes by David Letterman
Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.
David Letterman
New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The last Republican president wasn't even fluent in English.
David Letterman
Scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is life after death -- though they say it's virtually impossible to get decent Chinese food.
David Letterman
Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.
David Letterman
Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.
David Letterman
I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.
David Letterman
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
David Letterman
There are so many flavors of Coke now - Coke with lemon, Coke with vanilla, Coke with lime, Cherry Coke, and they've just brought out another new flavor - Coke with Pepsi.
David Letterman
Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
David Letterman
People say we need royalty. We have royalty in the United States - the Kardashians.
David Letterman
The Hillary team is driving around in a van. Sometimes people get those gag bumper stickers put on their van. Hillary has one on her van, and it says, 'If this van's rockin', I'm deleting emails.'
David Letterman
The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag
David Letterman
Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.
David Letterman
It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd.
David Letterman
By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.' And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her.
David Letterman
One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.
David Letterman
We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.
David Letterman
The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
David Letterman
We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting to the root of his intense anger. And they say bin Laden never spends the night in the same place twice. No, wait a minute, that's Clinton.
David Letterman
President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.
David Letterman
