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Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Tortilla
Tortillas
Hillary
Went
More quotes by David Letterman
President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.
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President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be Bush's first uncontested victory.
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According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
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Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
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Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
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Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing.
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Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.
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One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.
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Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?
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How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.
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The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.
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It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.
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Instead of reading vows at the wedding ceremony, they read hacked Sony emails.
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Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.
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John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.
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It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
David Letterman
I hate decaffeinated coffee. It's useless brown water.
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We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David Letterman
When Martha gets out she'll be under house arrest in her big $40 million mansion in Bedford. Boy, that'll teach her. She's only allowed out of the house for doctors visits, grocery shopping, or to dump more stock.
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