Quote

Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.

David Letterman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Times
Recently
Hillary
Gun
Coincidentally
Eight
Alley
Computer
Shoots
Trouble
Alleys
Takes
Pulls
Guy
Email

More quotes by David Letterman

Image
Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!
David Letterman
Image
He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in.
David Letterman
Image
At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
David Letterman
Image
Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
David Letterman
Image
Sarah Palin, part-time Governor of Alaska, is angry because Michele Obama is encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin believes the government shouldn't tell us what to do. Sarah Palin believes she should tell us what to do.
David Letterman
Image
Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions.
David Letterman
Image
I think the number one public-relations blunder Osama has made is that he lives in a cave-fortress and if there's one thing we've learned from it's that you can't trust a guy who lives in a cave-fortress -- Lex Luther, Captain Nemo, Dr. Evil. I'm telling you the list goes on.
David Letterman
Image
Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me.
David Letterman
Image
Are you getting a big kick out of the Enron scandal? I find this interesting that whenever a big crisis starts, people start showing up in church. So, Ken Lay shows up in church this weekend. Church officials are still looking for the collection plates.
David Letterman
Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
David Letterman
Image
George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.
David Letterman
Image
There is so much oil now in the Gulf of Mexico, and you can thank the folks of British Petroleum for this, so much oil in the Gulf, you can now park on it.
David Letterman
Image
Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before
David Letterman
Image
Mitt Romney said he's not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million.
David Letterman
Image
Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.
David Letterman
Image
Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat.
David Letterman
Image
One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.
David Letterman
Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.
David Letterman
Image
I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night -- this was so sweet, it means a great deal to me -- the other cult members got together and they all took me out to see Star Wars.
David Letterman
Image
Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing.
David Letterman