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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
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Indianapolis
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David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.
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President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.
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What we know about Osama Bin Laden is this: he's worth $300 million, he has five wives and twenty-six kids -- and he hates Americans for their excessive lifestyle.
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The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
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Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
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Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
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During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right there. You betcha!
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Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.
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Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women's race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys on the street didn't even have time to finish their catcalls.
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Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.
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Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death.
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Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
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This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.
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Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.
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