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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
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Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
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Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Obama
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More quotes by David Letterman
Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's adding advisers to his campaign team. This guy had advisers? Really?
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I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
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And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
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The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
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Scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is life after death -- though they say it's virtually impossible to get decent Chinese food.
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Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.
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Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
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I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.
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Them bats is smart. They use radar!
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Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen.
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Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.
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Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They're going to hike to the top of his money.
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The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'
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United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
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I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'
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I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.
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Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'
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