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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
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Indianapolis
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David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.
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Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!
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The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.
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How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.
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New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?
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You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?
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This isn't brain surgery it's just television.
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The post office is raising the price of stamps again. I heard that and said to myself, 'If only there was an inexpensive electronic way of communicating.'
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It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
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Chi-Os were ideal partners for all occasions. They were discrete, desirable, tactful, polite, and fun... Every mom dreamed of her son coming home with a Chi Omega, a woman's woman.
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Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.
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I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
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Hillary is in Iowa to listen to what the people are saying - because if you want her to speak, that will cost you $200,000. So she's there listening.
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Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.
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If I can be serious now, and I have the feeling I can.
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Fifteen years ago tomorrow I had open heart surgery, a quintuple bypass surgery. Thanks to all of my doctors. Because of them, in 15 years of life I've been able to experience, well, acid reflux, short-term memory loss, and erectile dysfunction. Thanks for all your work. It's great to be alive.
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Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.
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My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.
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I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
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