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George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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George
Tonight
Stores
Paint
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The new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It's almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup.
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President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen.
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I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't.
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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
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I hate decaffeinated coffee. It's useless brown water.
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New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
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Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, Pay? I was hitchhiking.
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President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.
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I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.
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John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.
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Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
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Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century.
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Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, 'Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?'
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Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.
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Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial.
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One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.
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You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy just get ready.
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The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
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You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?
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