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The new 'Mad Max' movie takes place in a post-apocalyptic world. I have a small part in 'Mad Max.' I play the old geezer who remembers what steak tasted like.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
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Indianapolis
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David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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More quotes by David Letterman
It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam.
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They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.
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Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.
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Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
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Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
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Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!
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President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.
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The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
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The Japanese Prime Minister has apologized for Japan's part in World War II. However, he still hasn't mentioned anything about karaoke.
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While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
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Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death.
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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
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The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
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I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest.'
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in.
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Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.
David Letterman
Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.
David Letterman
I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'
David Letterman
