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Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
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David Michael Letterman
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John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.
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I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'
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Over the weekend, John Kerry - the big John Kerry juggernaut moves on - he won primaries in Washington D.C., Nevada and, I think, Canada. And he's so confident that he's started nailing that intern again.
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Meryl Streep is on the program tonight. I like to throw her a little work whenever I can.
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President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen.
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Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.
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Don't use your bedroom for work, unless you're a prostitute.
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And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
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It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam.
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There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.
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When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!
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I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.
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The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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Don't kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here's how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In this country global warming is so bad, we are now actually starting to warm up to Barry Bonds.
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Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
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The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.
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