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Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
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Indianapolis
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David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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More quotes by David Letterman
The new 'Mad Max' movie takes place in a post-apocalyptic world. I have a small part in 'Mad Max.' I play the old geezer who remembers what steak tasted like.
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I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.
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Why we are here: To tremble at the terrible beauty of the stars, to shed a tear at the perfection of Beethoven's symphonies, and to crack a cold one now and then.
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Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of recycling is going on this year. For example, Bushes and Clintons.
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The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
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They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
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Honey, what happened to ladies first? Husband replies, That's the reason why the worlds a mess today, because a lady went first!
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It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. It's amazing if you think about it. It was the Terminator and the One-Term-inator.
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Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket.
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Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'
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Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.
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