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Security here in New York City is still very tight. Hookers in Times Square now are demanding two forms of fake ID.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
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Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
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Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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More quotes by David Letterman
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Hillary Clinton is now in Iowa. She's spending every waking minute of her day meeting ordinary people, and it's to prepare her for a job in which she will never again meet an ordinary person.
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President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.
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I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.
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Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.
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One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.
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I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.
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There's not a man, woman or child on the face of the earth who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage.
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Sarah Palin, part-time Governor of Alaska, is angry because Michele Obama is encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin believes the government shouldn't tell us what to do. Sarah Palin believes she should tell us what to do.
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Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?
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John Walker, while he was in Afghanistan, told people his goal was to have four wives. ... Do we need any further proof that this guy is out of his mind? Four wives? That's how al Qaeda gets you to become a suicide bomber.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. It's amazing if you think about it. It was the Terminator and the One-Term-inator.
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Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.
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It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
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I feel like Bush presidencies are like Godfather films. You should stop at two.
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Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.
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Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.
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When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im going to start smoking cigars again. I gave them up about a year and a half ago, and I now realize that it may have been my one last fun, interesting thing to do.
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