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Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Dialing
Nsa
Number
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Talk

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It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.
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Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'
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Bronco Rick Perry is the first candidate I've ever heard say he's not doing well because he's sleepy. You know, we criticized George W. Bush a lot, but there was one thing he was very disciplined about, and that was getting his full eight years of sleep.
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You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?
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Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.
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Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.
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Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.
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Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound.
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Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'
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Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.
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George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
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Overall Bush's European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group.
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.
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Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced he is running for president. Ted Cruz was born in Canada, his father fled to the United States from Cuba, and yet Ted Cruz is against immigration. Isn't that odd?
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Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
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I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest.'
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