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Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Dialing
Nsa
Number
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Talk

More quotes by David Letterman

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The reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.
David Letterman
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The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
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Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.
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Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night.
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Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign.
David Letterman
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They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.
David Letterman
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Sarah Palin, part-time Governor of Alaska, is angry because Michele Obama is encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin believes the government shouldn't tell us what to do. Sarah Palin believes she should tell us what to do.
David Letterman
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Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'
David Letterman
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Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.
David Letterman
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All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.
David Letterman
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President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here.
David Letterman
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Mitt Romney has a fund-raiser. He's going to get in the ring and fight Evander Holyfield. This is the dumbest thing Republicans have done since they wrote that open letter to Iran.
David Letterman
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John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.
David Letterman
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I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.
David Letterman
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Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before
David Letterman
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Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.
David Letterman
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Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't beat Bush.
David Letterman
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Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.
David Letterman
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It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
David Letterman
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The world's oldest woman passed away at 116. They keep dying. I think that title may be cursed.
David Letterman