Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Shows
Didn
Remember
Able
Claus
Think
Santa
Thinking
Upset
Show
Found
More quotes by David Letterman
Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical.
David Letterman
Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who was really funny? President Obama. So funny, in fact, he has already been promised 'The Tonight Show' in five years.
David Letterman
Stocks are at an all-time high today. I don't have any money in the stock market. I don't have the stomach for the ups and downs. So about 20 years ago I put all of my money and liquid assets into videotape rewind machines.
David Letterman
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.
David Letterman
At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
David Letterman
Newt Gingrich has criticized 'New York elites' who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.
David Letterman
They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
David Letterman
Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.
David Letterman
Yesterday was Chinese New Year. It's the Year of the Rabbit. And here's how dumb I am. I'm still writing the Year of the Pig on my checks.
David Letterman
Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.
David Letterman
Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.
David Letterman
The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
David Letterman
I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.
David Letterman
Because Utah is largely Mormon country, the firing squad's a little different. You're blindfolded but no cigarette.
David Letterman
The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who worked for me on this show. Now, my response to that is yes I have. I have had sex with women who worked on this show. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would, especially for the women.
David Letterman
The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question.
David Letterman
Arnold Schwarzenegger met with President Bush. It's amazing if you think about it. It was the Terminator and the One-Term-inator.
David Letterman
I spend most of my free time under the house.
David Letterman
It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
David Letterman
President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.
David Letterman
