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Don't use your bedroom for work, unless you're a prostitute.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Prostitute
Bedroom
Unless
Use
Work

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Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
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Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
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Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket.
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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.
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A guy in Pennsylvania was arrested because he was drunk in his golf cart going from bar to bar. So they arrested him. I said: Wait a minute. Isn't that golf?
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President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here.
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I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
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You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.
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Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, Pay? I was hitchhiking.
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Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
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Meryl Streep is on the program tonight. I like to throw her a little work whenever I can.
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I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
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Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical.
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I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!
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It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
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President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
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President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen.
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I hate decaffeinated coffee. It's useless brown water.
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Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.
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This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.
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