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Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
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David Michael Letterman
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Tomorrow is Election Day. It's what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It's the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.
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Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?
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Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
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Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign.
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The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?
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Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.
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The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.
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We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.
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How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.
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Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
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So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.
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But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'
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The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.
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Them bats is smart. They use radar!
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I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.
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Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol. Which made sense to me, you don't want too many amateurs on in one night.
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According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
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Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'
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The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.
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