Quote

According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.

David Letterman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Longer
Survey
Dead
Surveys
Differences
Divorced
Dies
According
Wish
Early
Live
Married
People
Difference
Stay

More quotes by David Letterman

Image
Overall Bush's European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group.
David Letterman
Image
Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.
David Letterman
Image
President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.
David Letterman
Image
In Hollywood, Oscar is king.
David Letterman
Image
One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.
David Letterman
Image
But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is admirable. I believe the last president to bring a stray dog into the White House got impeached.
David Letterman
Image
Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.
David Letterman
Image
Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
David Letterman
Image
In a recent interview, Howard Dean admitted that he used to drink and smoke pot. So, now all he needs to put him over the top is a sex scandal.
David Letterman
Image
Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.
David Letterman
Image
There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.
David Letterman
Image
Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between.
David Letterman
Image
Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.
David Letterman
Image
This will be Michelle Obama's last opportunity to try to get me to eat kale.
David Letterman
Image
The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.
David Letterman
Image
Mitt Romney has a fund-raiser. He's going to get in the ring and fight Evander Holyfield. This is the dumbest thing Republicans have done since they wrote that open letter to Iran.
David Letterman
Image
You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.
David Letterman
Image
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
David Letterman
Image
How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.
David Letterman
Image
Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, Pay? I was hitchhiking.
David Letterman