Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
A priest in New York City was arrested on gun possession. These days, you better be happy that the bulge in his pocket is a .38.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
City
Priest
Cities
Pocket
Days
Arrested
Happy
Priests
Better
Pockets
Gun
Possession
York
Bulge
More quotes by David Letterman
I feel like Bush presidencies are like Godfather films. You should stop at two.
David Letterman
Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?
David Letterman
Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'
David Letterman
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David Letterman
I'm so excited for my son. On Christmas morning I want to see his face, to be there when he opens the gifts. I want the see what my assistants got him for Christmas.
David Letterman
The oil spill is getting bad. There is so much oil and tar now in the Gulf of Mexico, Cubans can now walk to Miami.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.
David Letterman
Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death.
David Letterman
I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
David Letterman
Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.
David Letterman
As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.
David Letterman
John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.
David Letterman
Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.
David Letterman
Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.
David Letterman
Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that?
David Letterman
At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
David Letterman
How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.
David Letterman
Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I.
David Letterman
The reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.
David Letterman
Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.
David Letterman