Quote

A priest in New York City was arrested on gun possession. These days, you better be happy that the bulge in his pocket is a .38.

David Letterman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Cities
Pocket
Days
Arrested
Happy
Priests
Better
Pockets
Gun
Possession
York
Bulge
City
Priest

More quotes by David Letterman

Image
It was announced that President Obama and his wife, when they're finished in Washington, are moving to New York City. The guy just can't get enough gridlock.
David Letterman
Image
President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.
David Letterman
Image
President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.
David Letterman
Image
I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.
David Letterman
Image
Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.
David Letterman
Image
They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
David Letterman
Image
I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'
David Letterman
Image
It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.
David Letterman
Image
Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen.
David Letterman
Image
Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.
David Letterman
Image
George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
David Letterman
Image
Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry campaign. I'm thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign.
David Letterman
Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
David Letterman
Image
Today would have been the birthday of Osama bin Laden. It makes me remember when Seal Team 6 threw him a surprise party.
David Letterman
Image
Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound.
David Letterman
Image
I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
David Letterman
Image
George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.
David Letterman
Image
Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
David Letterman
Image
In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three or four days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?
David Letterman
Image
Newt Gingrich has criticized 'New York elites' who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.
David Letterman