Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Home
Assailant
Take
Souvenir
Great
Souvenirs
Kind
Sketch
Police
York
Sure
Though
More quotes by David Letterman
Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, 'Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?'
David Letterman
You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.
David Letterman
Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know.
David Letterman
Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!
David Letterman
Did you hear about this genius that got on a plane and set fire to his feet? Turns out he had bombs in his shoes and the problem all started when the flight attendants asked him nicely to extinguish his feet. He was wearing exploding sneakers. The new Nike Air-Jihads!
David Letterman
I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'
David Letterman
By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.' And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her.
David Letterman
John Boehner - doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money.
David Letterman
Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.
David Letterman
Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.
David Letterman
I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman
My political position is that I'm happy to be alive and in North America.
David Letterman
Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.
David Letterman
The reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.
David Letterman
Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.
David Letterman
Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.
David Letterman
New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a long way. The last Republican president wasn't even fluent in English.
David Letterman
We're learning more about Osama bin Laden. His father was married 16 times, and he has five wives. I think we're getting to the root of his intense anger. And they say bin Laden never spends the night in the same place twice. No, wait a minute, that's Clinton.
David Letterman
You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy just get ready.
David Letterman
You know who's upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It's because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night.
David Letterman