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The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Astronomy
Mars
George
Bush
Foreign
Policy
Question
Quieter
Polar
More quotes by David Letterman
President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.
David Letterman
One of the dogs in the competition, a Portuguese Water Dog, is related to President Obama's dog, Bo. But they only see each other at funerals and weddings.
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Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.
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George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.
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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
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Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection, at least until his wife cools off.
David Letterman
Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material.
David Letterman
Them bats is smart. They use radar!
David Letterman
Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon.
David Letterman
I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
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I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.
David Letterman
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train.
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We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.
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You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.
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In Hollywood, Oscar is king.
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Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
David Letterman
I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty.
David Letterman
When we started the show, there were mixed responses. Half of the people said, 'That show doesn't have a chance.' The other half said, 'That show doesn't have a prayer.'
David Letterman
In a recent interview, Howard Dean admitted that he used to drink and smoke pot. So, now all he needs to put him over the top is a sex scandal.
David Letterman
Tim Tebow has been on the bench longer than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
David Letterman