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I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
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David Michael Letterman
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More quotes by David Letterman
The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who worked for me on this show. Now, my response to that is yes I have. I have had sex with women who worked on this show. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would, especially for the women.
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Mitt Romney is not going to run for president. Mitt said it's time for fresh faces. So that's good news for Bruce Jenner.
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You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy just get ready.
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Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the Moon. OK, you say, but why? Well, he wants to be the first American to get divorced on the Moon.
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Pamela Anderson is a great dancer considering she can't see her feet.
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The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag
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Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They're going to hike to the top of his money.
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John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.
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In Hollywood, Oscar is king.
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You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.
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Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material.
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I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!
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Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.
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Hillary is in Iowa to listen to what the people are saying - because if you want her to speak, that will cost you $200,000. So she's there listening.
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Newt Gingrich has criticized 'New York elites' who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.
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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.
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It is cold down in Washington, DC. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold.
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North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by his son, Menta Li Ill.
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