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I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Eggs
Cinema
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Gritty
More quotes by David Letterman
I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.
David Letterman
Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.
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Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.
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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
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John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.
David Letterman
Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.
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Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
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John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.
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According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
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Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
David Letterman
Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.
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Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that?
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Sunday is the Academy Awards. Every time an actor says, 'I didn't expect this,' Ruth Bader Ginsburg will do a shot.
David Letterman
The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.
David Letterman
I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?
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The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.
David Letterman
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
David Letterman