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I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Eggs
Cinema
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Gritty

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I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.
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Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.
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Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.
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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
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Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
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John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.
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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.
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Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.
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John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.
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According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
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Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
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Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.
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Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that?
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Sunday is the Academy Awards. Every time an actor says, 'I didn't expect this,' Ruth Bader Ginsburg will do a shot.
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The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.
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I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?
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The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.
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According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
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