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I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Gritty
Eggs
Cinema
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Are you getting a big kick out of the Enron scandal? I find this interesting that whenever a big crisis starts, people start showing up in church. So, Ken Lay shows up in church this weekend. Church officials are still looking for the collection plates.
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Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
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You know who's upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It's because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night.
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Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection, at least until his wife cools off.
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I spend most of my free time under the house.
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It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.
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People say we need royalty. We have royalty in the United States - the Kardashians.
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Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew is coming. You drink it, you get a combination of type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
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New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.
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Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'
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A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
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At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.
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How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.
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Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'
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Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis.
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You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.
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So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.
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John Kerry spent the day reading to preschoolers ... and the kids said Kerry actually lacked warmth and failed to articulate a clear message.
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You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.
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While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
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