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Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Obama
News
Economy
Good
Rescue
Billion
Billions
Thank
Finally

More quotes by David Letterman

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New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?
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Today is Earth Day. The way I see it, as humans the very least we can do is recycle. A lot of recycling is going on this year. For example, Bushes and Clintons.
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Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.
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Kim Jong Il made his staff call him “dear” and spent the day drinking cognac. It's like I have a twin, ladies and gentlemen.
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Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.
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They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.
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Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I.
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This Hillary Clinton scandal has to do with emails. All I get are emails for Canadian Viagra.
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Well, the manhunt continues for that elusive evil mastermind, but I'm telling you Enron CEO Kenneth Lay remains at large.
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The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
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The morning after I had my heart bypass, the doctor called and said, Soon you'll be able to have sex. I said, I've heard that for years.
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Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
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The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
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Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie.
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Now there are reports that Osama bin Laden would like to commit suicide on television. This is the kind of lead-in I have been praying for every since I came to CBS. Bin Laden is planning a televised suicide or, as I call it, hosting the Academy Awards.
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