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I spend most of my free time under the house.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Free
House
Time
More quotes by David Letterman
The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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If I can be serious now, and I have the feeling I can.
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Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, Pay? I was hitchhiking.
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And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
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Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
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When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im going to start smoking cigars again. I gave them up about a year and a half ago, and I now realize that it may have been my one last fun, interesting thing to do.
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I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.
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Them bats is smart. They use radar!
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Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.
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But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'
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He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in.
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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty.
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Why we are here: To tremble at the terrible beauty of the stars, to shed a tear at the perfection of Beethoven's symphonies, and to crack a cold one now and then.
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Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.
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I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame.
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All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.
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When Martha gets out she'll be under house arrest in her big $40 million mansion in Bedford. Boy, that'll teach her. She's only allowed out of the house for doctors visits, grocery shopping, or to dump more stock.
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Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.
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Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
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