Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Names
Guard
Badly
Changing
Iraq
Democratic
Republican
Comedy
Elite
Name
Elites
More quotes by David Letterman
I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.
David Letterman
Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'
David Letterman
Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
David Letterman
Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.
David Letterman
I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night -- this was so sweet, it means a great deal to me -- the other cult members got together and they all took me out to see Star Wars.
David Letterman
George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
David Letterman
This isn't brain surgery it's just television.
David Letterman
The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?
David Letterman
Fifteen years ago tomorrow I had open heart surgery, a quintuple bypass surgery. Thanks to all of my doctors. Because of them, in 15 years of life I've been able to experience, well, acid reflux, short-term memory loss, and erectile dysfunction. Thanks for all your work. It's great to be alive.
David Letterman
I think the number one public-relations blunder Osama has made is that he lives in a cave-fortress and if there's one thing we've learned from it's that you can't trust a guy who lives in a cave-fortress -- Lex Luther, Captain Nemo, Dr. Evil. I'm telling you the list goes on.
David Letterman
The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
David Letterman
Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.
David Letterman
Tomorrow is Election Day. It's what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It's the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.
David Letterman
The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
David Letterman
I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.
David Letterman
But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is admirable. I believe the last president to bring a stray dog into the White House got impeached.
David Letterman
Instead of reading vows at the wedding ceremony, they read hacked Sony emails.
David Letterman
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.
David Letterman
I'm an environmentalist. Most of my jokes are recycled.
David Letterman
Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.
David Letterman
