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I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Lips
Dingoes
Chewed
More quotes by David Letterman
Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.
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Mitt Romney was a guest on 'The Tonight Show' on NBC. It's interesting — you have an empty suit trying to please everyone, and then Romney comes out.
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If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on television with pool cues, who would win? 1) Ricky Schroder 2) Gary Coleman 3) The television viewing public
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The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.
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According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'
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Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound.
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Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.
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President Obama, by the way, is, I think, making his first presidential European trip. And while he's there in Europe, he plans to fire the CEO's of BMW and Volkswagen.
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There's already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.
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They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.
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Mitt Romney said he's not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million.
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Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.
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Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
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Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.
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While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
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Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.
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God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear.
David Letterman
Tim Tebow has been on the bench longer than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
David Letterman
According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
David Letterman