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If I can be serious now, and I have the feeling I can.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Serious
Feeling
Feelings

More quotes by David Letterman

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I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.
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New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.
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The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
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Tim Tebow has been on the bench longer than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
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Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned.
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I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him.
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And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they're saying? For the first time he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don't worry. He's got a plan. He's going to be to campaigning in Europe.
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Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.
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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
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Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.
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John Walker, while he was in Afghanistan, told people his goal was to have four wives. ... Do we need any further proof that this guy is out of his mind? Four wives? That's how al Qaeda gets you to become a suicide bomber.
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John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.
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Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
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Valentine's Day money-saving tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. In place of bubble bath, use lavender-scented dish-washing liquid. Forget rose petals. Sprinkle the bed with sliced beets!
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Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.
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Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.
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Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.
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God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear.
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