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Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Newt
More quotes by David Letterman
Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.
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When you think about flying, it's nuts really. Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles an hour and you're sitting there drinking Diet Pepsi and eating peanuts. It just doesn't make any sense.
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Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
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But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is admirable. I believe the last president to bring a stray dog into the White House got impeached.
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I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.
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Instead of reading vows at the wedding ceremony, they read hacked Sony emails.
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The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.
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Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
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According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
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Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
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Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.
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Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.
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The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'
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We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
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Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material.
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Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.
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Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that's true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected.
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The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished.
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You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.
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