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Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
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Actually
Wells
Well
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Newts
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More quotes by David Letterman
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Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket.
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According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.
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How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.
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It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?
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A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
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Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really bad seats.
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The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.
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Everybody was upset that Vladimir Putin was missing. He was in Switzerland with his girlfriend. She had a baby in Switzerland because in Russia childbirth is not covered by Putin-care.
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Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor.
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