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This isn't brain surgery it's just television.

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Surgery
Television
Brain

More quotes by David Letterman

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Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law, who is going to be living with him, and they are talking about Hillary for Secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me.
David Letterman
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All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.
David Letterman
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You like science? You enjoy science? Always use it for good, never for evil. Can you promise me that?
David Letterman
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It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?
David Letterman
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It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing — yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
David Letterman
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President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.
David Letterman
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Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.
David Letterman
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Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.
David Letterman
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The FCC has delayed the decision on the Time/Warner Comcast merger. So how do you think those folks like being put on hold?
David Letterman
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Everybody was upset that Vladimir Putin was missing. He was in Switzerland with his girlfriend. She had a baby in Switzerland because in Russia childbirth is not covered by Putin-care.
David Letterman
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I feel like Bush presidencies are like Godfather films. You should stop at two.
David Letterman
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The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has new balloons this year including the Pillsbury Doughboy balloon and the first openly gay balloon. Also the Thomas Tank Engine balloon, and they even have the Ebola nurse balloon.
David Letterman
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Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'
David Letterman
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USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
David Letterman
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Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.
David Letterman
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Some good news. Finally, President Bush is going to do something about global warming. He became alarmed when another chunk of ice fell off his mother.
David Letterman
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Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.
David Letterman
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Yesterday, the Senate voted to approve President Clinton's decision to send troops to Bosnia. And they voted to change the name of that mission to Operation Forget About Whitewater.
David Letterman
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They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
David Letterman
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Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends.
David Letterman