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I worry about Rick Perry. One, he's too conservative, Two, his debating skills. And three ... Oh crap, what was three?

David Letterman

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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Perry
Rick
Crap
Conservative
Skills
Worry
Three
Two
Debating

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The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.
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Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing.
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According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead.
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Sunday is the Academy Awards. Every time an actor says, 'I didn't expect this,' Ruth Bader Ginsburg will do a shot.
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I wish the iPhone people would design one that's black and has two pieces, and it plugs into the wall and you can pick one piece up and talk into it. I tell you, the whole time I had one of those old-fashioned plug-in phones, not once did I misplace it.
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Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
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President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
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Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
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The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.
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He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in.
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Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I.
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Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.
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How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.
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I haven't reached nirvana yet, but I've been to Detroit.
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Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.
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Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.
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