Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.
David Letterman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Gone
Heart
Haircut
Bypass
Haircuts
Surgery
Plus
More quotes by David Letterman
How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.
David Letterman
George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
David Letterman
Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death.
David Letterman
Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage to a forty-two-year-old woman, director Roman Polanski told reporters, `The way I look at it, she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'
David Letterman
Fifteen years ago tomorrow I had open heart surgery, a quintuple bypass surgery. Thanks to all of my doctors. Because of them, in 15 years of life I've been able to experience, well, acid reflux, short-term memory loss, and erectile dysfunction. Thanks for all your work. It's great to be alive.
David Letterman
When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!
David Letterman
By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.' And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her.
David Letterman
I hate decaffeinated coffee. It's useless brown water.
David Letterman
Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.
David Letterman
Don't use your bedroom for work, unless you're a prostitute.
David Letterman
God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a problem because earlier today during a debate in New Hampshire, he bit off Joe Lieberman's ear.
David Letterman
Some good news. Finally, President Bush is going to do something about global warming. He became alarmed when another chunk of ice fell off his mother.
David Letterman
How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.
David Letterman
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David Letterman
New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.
David Letterman
Love: You can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun.
David Letterman
Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?
David Letterman
Mitt Romney is not going to be running for president. So you know what that means. We are getting closer and closer to 'President Trump.'
David Letterman
Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew is coming. You drink it, you get a combination of type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
David Letterman
It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam.
David Letterman