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I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Boys
Face
Faces
Idea
Ideas
Thing
Televised
Red
More quotes by David Letterman
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.
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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
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There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.
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George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.
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Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.
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I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.
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Well, the manhunt continues for that elusive evil mastermind, but I'm telling you Enron CEO Kenneth Lay remains at large.
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It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.
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Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.
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He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in.
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President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.
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Mayor de Blasio has legalized ferrets. Now you can legally own ferrets in New York City. I want to tell you something. If I want to see anymore beady-eyed little weasels, I'll just keep riding the subway.
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Yesterday was Chinese New Year. It's the Year of the Rabbit. And here's how dumb I am. I'm still writing the Year of the Pig on my checks.
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A guy in Pennsylvania was arrested because he was drunk in his golf cart going from bar to bar. So they arrested him. I said: Wait a minute. Isn't that golf?
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Meryl Streep is on the program tonight. I like to throw her a little work whenever I can.
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I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night -- this was so sweet, it means a great deal to me -- the other cult members got together and they all took me out to see Star Wars.
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The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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