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I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.
David Letterman
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David Letterman
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: April 12
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Talk Show Host
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Weather Presenter
Writer
Indianapolis
Indiana
David Michael Letterman
Earl Hofert
Thing
Televised
Red
Boys
Face
Faces
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Ideas
More quotes by David Letterman
New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?
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People say we need royalty. We have royalty in the United States - the Kardashians.
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Life experience is the best teacher.
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Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.
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Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
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How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.
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Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?
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Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.
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Mitt Romney is not going to run for president. Mitt said it's time for fresh faces. So that's good news for Bruce Jenner.
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Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.
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You know who's upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It's because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night.
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Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'
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The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.
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The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?
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Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
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There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.
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I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.
David Letterman
I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night -- this was so sweet, it means a great deal to me -- the other cult members got together and they all took me out to see Star Wars.
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We thought New York City was home to 8 million rats. Turns out, that's a little high. The actual number is 2 million rats. That explains the light turnout for the midterm elections.
David Letterman